c (c_regalis) wrote in the_ckr_files,

Bionic Woman: The List (TV post)

Bionic Woman is a reboot of the popular 1976 TV series The Bionic Woman (which itself was a spin-off of the 1974 TV series The Six Million Dollar Man). The series revolves around bartender Jaime Sommers, who is saved from death after receiving experimental medical implants. While adjusting to her new bionic powers and raising a rebellious younger sister, Jaime agrees to work for the Berkut Group, a quasi-governmental private organization that performed her surgery.
In episode 6, The List, the Berkut Group teams up with the CIA to catch a dangerous man named Victor Booth who is selling a list naming the Berkut Group and CIA operatives. This dangerous man is, of course, played by Callum Keith Rennie.

The IMDB page: Bionic Woman - The List (2007)

Bionic Woman is produced by David Eick, best known for his involvment in Battlestar Galactica; the miniseries, the series (both starring CKR), the webisodes, the inbetween seasons movie, Razor, and the upcoming movie, The Plan (also with CKR). Before that he was co-producing and producing TV movies and series like Hercules and the Amazon Women, Hercules and the Lost Kingdom, Hercules and the Circle of Fire, Hercules in the Underworld, Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Darkman II: The Return of Durant, Darkman III: Die Darkman Die, and American Gothic. The IMDB search reveals that he was also executive producer of a movie named The Gathering, which earns him C6D points, since Hugh Dillon was part of the cast.

The List was written by Bridget Carpenter whose other credits include episodes of Dead Like Me and a series named Friday Night Lights. The episode was directed by David Boyd. The List was his debut as a director, and after Bionic Woman he continued, just like Bridget Carpenter, with episodes of Friday Night Lights. He's better known for his work as a cinematographer though; his credits here include Cast Away, Galaxy Quest, Firefly, Without a Trace, Deadwood. And Friday Night Lights.

The title character of the series is played by Michelle Ryan, also known by now as Nimueh in Merlin. Before Bionic Woman she appeared as Katherine Reimer in Jekyll, and, if IMDB isn't just yanking my chain here, as Zoe in 478 (of a total of 1,823) episodes of a British soap called the EastEnders. Huh. The obligatory father figure, Jonas Bledsoe, a member of the Berkut Group is played by Miguel Ferrer, who's well known his work in shows like Miami Vice, Twin Peaks, The Stand, Tales From The Crypt, Jackie Chan Adventures and, of course, Crossing Jordan. Molly Price as Ruth Treadwell, Bledsoe's second in command, is mainly known from her work in Third Watch and Law and Order. Lucy Hale who plays Jaime's inevitably bratty little sister, appeared among other things in one episode of How I Met Your Mother and is part of the main cast of Privileged. Jordan Bridges as Jaime's love interest Tom Hastings is known for guest appearances in shows like Law & Order: Criminal Intent, CSI: NY, Charmed, Dollhouse, Dawson's Creek, and he was one of the main characters in Conviction. Kevin Rankin is Nathan, one of the Bionic Team members. His credits include guest roles in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The O.C., Without A Trace, Six feet Under, Bones, CSI, Lost and The Closer. And Friday Night Lights.

I should also mention Katie Sackhoff and Mark Sheppard here. They do not appear in this episode, but they both have reccuring guest roles, and probably were the reason for a a part of the audience to give the show a chance.

Cast / Characters:
Michelle Ryan
Miguel Ferrer
Molly Price
Will Yun Lee
Lucy Hale
Callum Keith Rennie
Kevin Rankin
Jordan Bridges
Jaime Sommers
Jonas Bledsoe
Ruth Treadwell
Jae Kim
Becca Sommers
Victor Booth
Tom Hastings

Year: 2007 (air date for The List: 7 November 2007)

Runtime: 42 minutes

Country: USA

IMDB rating: 5.6/10 (66 votes) for The List, 5.8/10 (573 votes) for Bionic Woman (Date: 12 July 2009)

Genre: Action | Sci-Fi | Thriller

Keywords: Female Protagonist | Based On TV Series | Cyborg | Little Sister | Clandestine | Remake | Sister Sister Relationship | Heroine | Teenage Girl | Prosthetic Body Part | Beautiful Woman | Superhuman Speed | Secret Life | Double Life | Superhuman Strength | Female Agent


No awards for the episode, and actually no awards for the series either. But Bionic Woman was nominated by the Motion Picture Sound Editors, USA for the Golden Reel Award in 2008.

There is one user comment for the episode (here), but it's more a recap. There are 77 user comments for the series.

One example:
Having seen this since it first premiered, I must say that it didn't lived up to it's hype as I expected. What I really expected was more oomph, more thump and more bass, figuratively speaking. There are some exciting moments interspersed with drama and tension but in the end, it just felt bland. I'm not saying I liked it, I just felt that it needed more. Whatever ambitions set up by the director of this remake had didn't warrant a valid sense of appreciation of what it could've been and as in the case of this remake of the classic TV series, is not ready to expand on them either and ultimately fans and newcomers alike won't be convinced.

You can find all the comments here.

Callum Quotient: 20%



  • Becca: What are you talking about?
    Jaime: The rules. Let him take the lead, rule five. Be mysterious, rule six. And don't ever split the cheque, rule ten.

  • Jaime: So, I am going to Paris with an CIA agent. Can I pick who?
    Jonas: This isn't a kickball game, Jaime.
    Jaime: I just thought, you know, since time is of the essence, we could've skipped the getting-to-know-you part, and just hit the ground running. Tom and I got the job done last week.
    Jonas: Okay. You wanna call him?
    Jaime: No. You go ahead. I don't call guys.

  • Nathan: All right. I installed the iris recogniction software I got from my friend at-
    Oh, wait, I can't tell you where I got it, because then... I'd...
    Ruth: No. No, don't say it, don't say...
    Nathan & Ruth: ...I'd have to kill you. (both shake their heads)

  • Ruth: You realize that spies don’t really talk that way.
    Nathan: I know; it blows. I’m just trying to bring back the cool.

  • Nathan: (monitoring Jaime talking to Victor) She's a beautiful lady, come on! What are you doing? He's looking at everything but your eyes. Come on... Casino Royale, I'm shaking and I'm stirred. Come on!

  • Victor: You cost me quite a lot of money tonight. *smiles* Who do you work for?
    Tom: The Metropolitan Museum of Arts.
    Victor: Really. *punches him*

  • Victor: (on the phone with Jaime) Let me guess. You want your husband back. This is the wife, right?
    Victor: Good for you. You want him back. I'm afraid it's going to cost you quite a lot.
    Jaime: I do want him back. And I also want the list.
    Victor: (surprised) The list? Really?
    Jaime: Really.
    Victor: Six million dollars.
    Jaime: Fine.
    Victor: Two million for your husband.
    Jaime: Great.
    Victor: One hour. Go to the cafe Sartre at the Clignancourt. Fifty percent in cash, the rest in bearer bonds. If I see you with anyone else, I'll cut your fake husband into real pieces.

  • Jaime: (to Ruth) Can you get the money?
    Ruth: I know someone who can. (dials a number)
    Jonas: (picks up the phone) Yah.
    Jaime: Can you get me eight million Dollar in, say, forty-five minutes?
    Jonas: (distracted) Okay.


  • The first 8 episodess of the series were aired in September to November 2007, then production was halted due to the strike by the Writers Guild of America. The series was cancelled as the result of low ratings and negative reviews.

  • English Michelle Ryan puts on an American accent for the role.

  • At least 3 versions of the pilot episode were produced. The first version had Mae Whitman cast as Jaime's deaf sister, a character that sparked criticism from hearing-impaired rights groups when it was learned the actress wasn't deaf in real life. This version of the pilot was one of several widely circulated on the Internet during the summer of 2007; at the 2007 San Diego Comic Con, an edited-down, half-hour version of this pilot was shown to audience members as a preview of the new series. For broadcast, however, several scenes were filmed, and the cast changed with a new actress playing Jaime's sister, and the hearing-impaired subplot being eliminated.

  • "Berkut" means "golden eagle" in Russian. It is also the name of the Ukranian national police's SWAT team.

  • During Victor's interrogation of Tom, Jaime calls and talks to Victor on Tom's iPhone. After a cut and switch in perspective you can see that Callum's talking into the iPhone upside-down. (See?)

  • A glued-on mustache counts as "extensive reconstructive surgery" in the bionicverse.

  • It's the same universe in which these two guys are the same guy who is virtually indistinguishable from CKR.

  • It's the same universe in which a woman may be able to kill a man in two seconds with her bare hands, but she will never call him first after a date

  • No matter how many people claim to see it, CKR does not look like Daniel Craig.

Interesting scenes:

  • Victor with a cigar. No, really. I mean it.

  • Nathan commenting everything and everyone around him. He's pretty damn funny.

  • Jaime demonstrating appalling dating behaviour for someone who's supposed to be a feminist icon.

  • Victor interrogating Tom and then talking to Jaime on the phone with pretty much the sexiest voice ever. Even for CKR.

  • Nathan and Jaime defusing a bomb by cutting the right one of three wires. That one's always nice.

Do I want to show this to my parents / friends / co-workers?
Poll #1433972 Bionic Woman: The List

Overall rating

Best TV show ever! It changed the history of television! It changed my life! For the better!
It's very, very good. With some tiny little flaws, just so it's not too perfect.
It's a good show. Solid. Reliable. Entertaining. Fun.
If it weren't for Michele Ryan it would be pretty okay / If it weren't for Michele Ryan it would be terrible.
Terrible, terrible writing. Lot's of mediocre acting. Very sad special effects. It's just BAD.


Nope. Just old-fashioned dating and fluffy bionic kittens.
Just a little bionic slap in the face every now and then. It's a show for people who like to think, okay?
Some? I mean, she's beating up bad guys all the time.
It's pretty brutal. Bruises, blood, terror and mean people.
It's a blood bath. It's pretty much a slasher show. Kind of like The Passion of Christ.


Monty Python and the Holy Grail. When you're stoned.
The Big Lebowski. Slightly drunk.
Thelma & Louise. Sober.
American History X. Depressed.
Requiem for a Dream. Hungover.

Sexual content

It's thinly disguised porn. Too much for me, too much.
Lots of sex, and sexiness, and stuff. Also, there are bionic sex toys.
Pretty sexy. Not, like, one hour of Callum talking sexy. But still. A lot.
Nah. I mean, there's Callum, of course. In evening wear. And with a cigar. And that voice. But that's pretty much it.
No. We are talking basically about a robot woman here. So, no.

Sexual violence

None. None at all. Really.
Well, that guy she is kind of dating is kind of a jerk. But more, like, in the gentleman way? If that makes sense?
She beating up guys all the time. I guess that counts? (And not that I actually noticed, but she might get hit too, sometimes?)
Well, yeah. Sometimes. Suggested. And shown. Sometimes it's hard to watch.
Yes. I couldn't watch it. /o\

Poll #1433973 Victor


Nicest. Guy. In the world. He also founded UNICEF.
He's a really good guy. Good intentions, and most of the time he makes them happen too.
Kinda good, kinda not so? Normal guy.
Well. Hm. He... He's pretty good at his job? :D?
Kinda evil. Kinda really, really, really evil. /o\

How many people does he kill?

Killing? What? Callum? (Ahem.)
Just one and it's was an accident, okay? And he feels really bad about it.
I guess two to five? Something like that? He had his reasons.
Ten, maybe? It's not really like he can afford to count here. Plus he's pretty good at it.
Well, to be honest? Hundreds. Possibly more.


He's very, very sane. Maybe a bit too much.
Normal guy. As sane as you and me. Whatever that might mean.
He's kind of sane? In his own way?
He's pretty crazy, yeah. Why do you think they hired Callum?
Only sane person on this planet. That what he's gonna tell you if you ask him. And then he will smile at you. (Run! Run while you can!)


With the white dinner jacket. And the cigar. And the voice. Oh yeah.
Yes. I mean, yes. He is. As usual. Okay, more than usual.
Well, it's Callum. What do you think?
Uhm. Well. Not really. Sorry.
No. He's just... ew.


He doesn't even look bionic woman in the eyes. Why do you think that is?
Well, have you seen the way he looked at Tom?
Hard to say. Maybe, maybe not. There's no evidence either way.
I doubt it. He just doesn't like bionic women. *shrugs*
Every single guy he killed was because he came on to him. He hates that.

Does he die?
You really want to know? Are you sure? Really sure? Well, then. (highlight to read)

::Not dead, but the Berkut Group 'gives him' to the CIA.::


Bionic Woman: Season 1 Review
Did Jaime Sommers' bionics save her from inconsistent writing?

by Eric Goldman

March 13, 2008 - I know, this review isn't exactly topical – The last episode of Bionic Woman aired in November after all. However, it wasn't until last month and the end of the writers' strike that we finally found out for sure that indeed the show would not be going back into production. And so the eight episodes that aired last fall -- and just began airing in the UK -- not only make up the entire season, but as it turns out, the entire series. Keeping that in mind, let's take a look back at Bionic Woman: Season 1, while remembering not to hold our breath for Season 2.

On paper,
Bionic Woman had all the right elements – A familiar name and concept that had nostalgic value but plenty of room for a new and more in-depth exploration; a bevy of talented, well-known writer/producers; and a sexy young British lead actress who seemed tailor made to be a break out star. But what might sound good in theory can often end up a mess via its execution and Bionic Woman was clearly a troubled series from the get go.

The set up for the new series introduced Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan), a 20-something bartender raising her teenage sister (Lucy Hale) on her own. One night Jaime is in a terrible (and effectively shocking) car accident with her fiancé, scientist Will (Chris Bowers), that leaves her badly injured. But lo and behold, Will actually works for a secret government organization called the Berkut Group and impulsively decides to make Jaime a test subject, not only saving her life, but turning her into a – ahem – bionic woman, complete with a robotic arm, legs, eye and ear.

Jaime now finds herself thrust into a dramatic life as a secret agent of sorts, working with a group that includes Jonas (the always great Miguel Ferrer), Ruth (Molly Price) and Jae (Will Yun Lee). Meanwhile, she attempts to keep her dramatic new changes a secret from her sister, while uncovering some unsettling secrets about Will and what her fate might be.

No reason all of the above can't be pretty cool, right? And sometimes Bionic Woman was cool. There were some fun action sequences and some clever and witty exchanges. But as a whole this was a very murky, unfocused series that never could find a consistent tone or theme.

There were clearly some big problems going on behind the scenes, details of which are hard to come by. What is known is that Bionic Woman had several very notable people working on it… too many as it turned out. Battlestar Galactica executive producer David Eick was with the project from the moment it was announced, and certainly it was good to have a man behind the scenes who'd worked on a show that proved you could take a campy 1970s sci-fi series and revamp it in incredible and legitimately striking ways. But Eick's collaborators seemed to be running through a revolving door - Jason Smilovic (
Kidnapped) stands out as the only other executive producer to stay with the series for its entire (brief) time on the air.

Meanwhile Glen Morgan (
The X-Files) left early on, under what sounded like less than ideal circumstances. Then Jason Katims (the showrunner of the terrific Friday Night Lights) was brought in as a "consultant," just as the series was about to begin airing. Clearly the show was having problems, and shortly before the final episode aired, it was announced that yet another person, Sopranos writer Jason Cahill, was joining the series as the new showrunner.

With a game of musical chairs going on in the writers room, is it any wonder that the show itself seemed chaotic and all over the place? There was no through-line and nothing to grasp on to here. Individual episodes might be decent or a certain sequence might stand out, but there was never any consistency. Instead of building steam, the show would play a continuous game of taking a step forward, then taking a step back. Would this series be an intense, dark drama? A more comical adventure? A mix of both, or something else all together? Well, depending on what episode you watched, you might get an entirely different answer. In one episode, Jaime finds out something monumental and devastating about what's been done to her, which also served (in theory) to give the show a nice set up for future episodes and storylines. Yet this revelation wasn't followed up on at all and didn't seem to resonate at all for Jaime, so how could it for us at home?

Battlestar's great Katee Sackhoff was a quick attention getter as Jaime's dark doppelganger, Sarah, "the first Bionic Woman," but who could figure out her motivation? It wasn't that she was introduced one way and then we slowly learned more that deepened the character – Instead you could essentially feel the writers rather desperately trying to figure the character out, and so she would shift from psycho villain to damaged hero without nearly enough explanation or motivation. The off-camera death of a major character from the pilot in the second episode also felt like a desperate move to rewrite a situation without earning the impact of what was occurring on screen.

Instead of ever finding its feet, the show was unfortunately riddled with moments like this – The relationship between Jaime and Antonio Pope (Isaiah Washington) is a perfect example. Pope was introduced as a member of Berkut who began training Jaime, but it soon became impossible to keep track of what the dynamic between he and Jamie was. Was he an unnecessarily harsh taskmaster with a dangerous lean towards excessive violence? Were they simply partners who didn't get along but both knew how to get the job done? Were they actually close friends with an unspoken understanding? And so on and so forth...

Michelle Ryan got a lot of abuse from some viewers, who felt she was a big part of the problems the show had. I disagree with some of the more harsh criticism – Ryan could seem unfocused and never really seemed to fully inhabit the role, but she's a young actress who was dealing with trying to play a character that never came to life on the page. Who Jaime was and what really drove her was never clear in the scripts, and it's hard to fault the actress for not being able to overcome that.

I will say this though – In one of the best episodes, "The Education of Jaime Sommers", Ryan was able to use her natural British accent, as Jaime goes undercover, and the effect was jarring. Perhaps being freed from having to maintain a fake American accent really made an impact, but whatever the reason, it was easily Ryan's most charming and likable performance during the series, and seemed to hint at an alternate universe version of Bionic Woman where Jaime was simply allowed to be British and Ryan (a solid performer in British series like Jekyll) could have stood out more.

The writers' strike caused the first season of Bionic Woman to halt production after only eight episodes. Cahill wasn't even able to make any changes to the show or put his stamp on it in any way, which is too bad – It's very possible that he would have been the person who could finally give the series the unifying vision it needed and get it on track.

If Cahill could have fixed things or if Bionic Woman was simply unsalvageable is a question that we won't get an answer to though. After months of being non-committal about the fate of the show while the strike was still underway, NBC has apparently quietly cancelled the series and no more episodes will be produced. Unfortunately, the 2007 incarnation of Bionic Woman will now stand forever more as a missed opportunity.

From here.

Recap: Bionic Woman - "The List"

by Joe Walter

At one point, it seemed as though Bionic Woman might have some interest in filling the feminist niche left unclaimed since the cancellation of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The parallels are obvious: a female action hero who is faster and stronger than her supporting male cast fights the forces of darkness and balances her dual roles of woman and ass-kicker. Based on what we've seen so far, however, and especially in this episode, it seems they're more interested in filling the spot previously held by Ally McBeal.

This week, Jaime is being sent to Paris to recover a list with the names of undercover agents for the CIA and the Berkut Group. I would express some skepticism about why either of these groups would compile such a list, but frankly, it doesn't seem that far-fetched that the Berkut Group would do something like this. In fact, it was probably in a box labeled "Top Seekrit - Pleese Dont Steel" and sitting right next to a hard drive with all the secrets of their bionic technology. Anyway, as the list names agents for both the Berkut Group and the CIA, this will be a joint operation; so of course, Jaime requests that she get to work with Tom, her hunky boyfriend agent from the last episode. She insists, however, that Jonas be the one to contact him, because if she called Tom, she'd be breaking the rules. Or rather, she'd be breaking The Rules. Yes, Jaime is reading The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right and imparting the book's wisdom to everyone around her, including her sister. How topical ... 10 years ago. Says the guy who was just talking about Ally McBeal.

The guy with the list is named Victor and is played by another Battlestar Galactica alum, Callum Keith Rennie, who plays Leoben, the religious-psycho Cylon. Victor is an arms dealer who uses plastic surgery to change his appearance, although based on the 8-year-old picture we see of him, it seems that he actually just uses a funny mustache. His plan is to sell the list at an embassy function in Paris, which Tom and Jaime will infiltrate while pretending to be a married couple. Has there ever been a spy show in which the man and woman with the hots for one another haven't had to pretend to be married? Jaime, however, is upset because Tom didn't call her, and The Rules don't allow her to call guys. She tries to hide her hurt feelings by acting casual and professional about their previous encounter, but her bionic deception chip is still on the fritz. She couldn't be more obvious if she was carrying a sign proclaiming her infatuation for Tom in bright neon letters. When he gives her a diamond ring to complete her wifely disguise, she looks as though she thinks he actually just proposed.

So after almost making out a couple times and having the inevitable conversation about how they have to keep things professional because they can't afford to let their feelings interfere with their job, they finally make it to the embassy. Because they don't know what Victor looks like, Jaime has to use her bionic eye to scan the retinas of every person in the room. Eventually they find a suspicious-seeming guy (he's drinking beer and wearing a white jacket), but for some reason, Jaime can't seem to get a clear shot of his eyes. Eventually, the suspicious guy invites them into the basement to look at a Picasso (girls never fall for that line in real life, by the way), and Jaime is finally able to get a good look at his eyes just before he locks her and Tom into the wine cellar. Not only was he actually Victor, but he saw right through Jaime and Tom's cover story ... because he's not a total idiot. They break out, thanks to Jaime's bionic strength, and after some making out and bickering ("It's too dangerous!" "We both have to go in there!"), they burst into the room where the deal is taking place. There's a fight, and Jaime jumps out of a window with a guy she mistakenly thinks is Victor, leaving Tom alone and captured by the real Victor. Jaime calls Tom's cell phone and agrees to buy both the list for six million dollars and her man for two million dollars (he's no Steve Austin), only to find the CIA won't cough up the money. Jonas, on the other hand, doesn't even ask her why she wants it.

The exchange is set to take place in a café, where she and Tom have plenty of time to kiss and make up for all their bickering before Tom reveals that he's booby-trapped with explosives. When Victor finally makes his way over to the two of them, Jaime uses her eye to scan the list before hitting him with the bag full of money. This causes the bag to open and money to fly all over the place, and in the chaos, Jaime defuses the bomb. She and Tom then chase after Victor, but with her super speed and some terrible jumping effects, she catches him first. The list is saved, and Victor is in custody. Even better, thanks to her "I'm a very fast runner" excuse, Tom still has no idea that Jaime has bionic abilities. These two idiots deserve each other.

Found here, where you also read the rest of the recap.

Recap: Bionic Woman - The List (Episode 106)

by the Recapist

Unless you have been hiding in a cave somewhere in Antarctica (wearing earplugs and a blindfold), by now you know that NBC has gone "green" for the week. Their methods for saving the planet include: 1. Turning that little peacock symbol thing down at the bottom of the screen green; and 2: Having various show cast members give "Green Tips" during commercial breaks. The ever-so-environmentally conscious message during Bionic Woman? A clip of those two guys from Chuck sharing a stick of already-been-chewed gum while intoning, "Don't forget to reduce, reuse, and recycle!" Way to go, NBC! Nothing says "conservation" like sharing spit with your closest friends.

At any rate, As far as I can tell, the closest Bionic Woman itself gets to a "green" contribution is when this week's bad guy lights up a cigar. Um... smoking is bad for the environment! Only douchebag bad guys do it! Go green! The smoking baddie is meeting with some guys in suits. They pass him cash and money bonds, and demand that he fork over a list in return. Meanwhile, Jae and other Berkut agents have the place wired, and are watching the whole transaction. The baddie, whose face we can't see, is all, "I've got your list right here." He pulls out a gun and shoots both of the men he's meeting with. He then gathers up the bonds and makes a run for it, just as Berkut's agents go racing into the building. But the guy has vanished into thin air. Much like the cigar smoke. Which will now contribute to global warming. Go green!

At Jaime's apartment, Becca's squeeing about some guy named Brennan, who's supposed to be coming over to hang out. Jaime gives Becca guy advice straight out of a 1950's Seventeen Magazine. Like, calling a boy is the kiss of death for a relationship. Let him take the lead! And never split the check! And also, you may want to wait by the door with his pipe and slippers, ready to rub his feet while the home-cooked six-course meal you've prepared waits in the kitchen. Don't forget to call him "Master!" Becca rolls her eyes at her sister's less-than-feminist dating "rules." Jaime, who has apparently let her guard down considerably in the past few episodes (remember when she nearly ripped that car door off to get her sister away from some dude?) says she trusts that Becca will have a quiet evening alone with her friends. No drinking, no super-parties, and no calling Brennan. Dear God, the naiveté. It boggles.

Jaime meets up with Berkut folk to learn about this week's mission. The bad guy's an arms dealer named Victor Booth, and he's v.v. sneaky, constantly having plastic surgery and using decoys so that nobody knows what he really looks like. He's got a list of Berkut and CIA agents, which he's trying to sell on the black market. Last night's deal went south because he found out that Berkut had an agent there. But Victor's already got another buyer lined up, this time in Paris. Jaime will be working with a CIA agent in France, to get that list. Jaime's all, "Yippee-skippee I'm going to Paris and do I get to pick my partner?" She points out that she may or may not have slept with worked well with CIA agent Tom last week. Jonas asks if she wants to give him a call, and Jaime's all, "Um we've already established that I do not call guys, and that fact will be the running theme of this episode, so you'd better pick up the phone." Later, Jaime spars with Jae, who is still trying, in a rather half-hearted fashion, to teach her fighting tricks like discretion. She's all, "Discretion this!" and with gleeful precision nearly knocks him unconscious with a Mexican Wrestler Thigh Lock Maneuver. Just then Tom comes in. Things are all awkward between them, because they hooked up and it turns out that he didn't call her for nine days. Suddenly Jaime's advice to Becca makes a lot more sense.

Ruth, Nathan (professes in a rather hilarious fashion to hate France), Jaime and Tom fly to Paris on the equivalent of a spy road trip. Jaime has never been, and Tom proves that he's really good at spouting tired clichés by waxing rhapsodic that Paris is the most romantic place in the world. If by "romantic" you mean dirty, overpriced and full of overweight fanny pack-sporting American tourists, then sure, dude. Once they arrive, Nathan will set up command HQ at a safe house, and Jaime and Tom will go undercover and check into a hotel. Victor has sold lists of operatives before, and everyone on them ended up dead. More than one hundred people on this list need their protection. The sale will be happening tonight at an embassy party. While Berkut doesn't know what Victor's face looks like, they have a digital image of his eyes. Jaime will need to make eye contact with as many "Eurotrash toolbags" (as Nathan puts it - hee!) as possible, allowing them to use fancy eyeball-ID software to figure out who the baddie is.

Break out your baguettes, curly mustaches, and berets, everyone! Requisite accordion music plays as we touch down in Paris. Jaime and Tom check into the hotel, whereupon Tom tries to show off and be romantic by speaking French to the chick at the front desk. But you are shit out of luck, Bionic Woman, because you got a recapper who speaks French. In fact, when I'm not recapping, I'm speaking French for a living. Therefore, I can tell you that Tom's accent is not so much romantic as nails-on-a-chalkboard cringeworthy. In fact, he sounds like he's got a bunch of marbles and thumbtacks rolling around in his mouth. As my ears start to bleed, Tom makes excuses for not calling Jaime after their tryst. Um... it was because of bad cell phone service! She understands, right? Jaime looks like she would like to cram that cell phone entre ses fesses. But instead she shrugs and says "C'est la vie" (or at least, she tries to). Sigh. This is going to be a long episode. Anyway, Jaime and Tom are posing as a married couple, and he presents her with a giant-ass diamond ring set to wear. Basking in the rock's shiny glow, Jaime pretty effectively forgets that she's pissed off, especially when she sees their room and its fake amazing view of the Eiffel Tower. They flop down on the bed and she's all, "Speak more French to me." Me: "Please don't." Tom does anyway and they almost kiss. But suddenly he backs off and says he'll be sleeping on the couch. Yeah. You will now, mister.

The accordion music somehow manages to be simultaneously gay and tense, much like an angry French mime. Nathan sets up shop in the safe house, telling Ruth that his eyeball recognition software is airtight. All Jaime has to do is look him in the eye. They're approached by Alexis, the CIA handler/boss. And, hey! It's Aunt Zelda from Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Apparently Ruth has a rivalry with Alexis. They bitch at each other about who has the better butch lesbian hairdo and powersuit whether Jaime can effectively complete the mission. Meanwhile, Jaime and Tom do some pre-fête recon. He's got binoculars and she's using her bionic eye to scan the embassy. Dude! I completely forgot that she hasn't told him about her bionics! I can't wait to see what wacky outlandish excuses Jaime will come up with this time to gloss over her superhuman abilities. Tom, ever the glutton for punishment, brings up their relationship again. He's afraid that if he cares about her too much, his worrying will cause him to slip up in the field when he needs to have a clear head. Jaime gets it, already. Icily, she retorts that they're just partners, executing a job. No feel-copping for you this time, Tom.

Back home, Becca gets ready for Tarantino movie night with her friends, waiting for Brennan to arrive so that they can hook up. But the plan goes awry when dreamy douchebag Brennan shows up with a blonde bimbo, a bunch of beer, and about 896254 of his closest friends. Not exactly the cozy evening Becca (or Jaime, for that matter) had in mind.

Jaime hotties herself up for the party, and smirkingly flaunts her slinky dress in front of Tom. He's rocking the Tuxedo Ken look (complete with shellacked hair), and is speechless when he sees her. But that doesn't stop him from (creepily) sniffing her when he zips her up. Bionic Woman - if you're trying to create sexual tension, the sniffing thing is not the way to do it, 'kay? They arrive at the fancy embassy party, looking quite the dashing couple, and spend some time cruising for possible Victors. Hands down, the most awesome part of this scene is Nathan's running commentary as he sees everything Jaime does via the bionics (Best phrase of the evening: "Eurodouches." Classic!) Hee! Finally, Jaime and Tom see a shifty guy in a white smoking jacket. And... it's Leoben from Battlestar Galactica! Watch out... he's a Cylon! They make chitchat, and Jaime keeps trying to catch the guy's eye, but he's looking at her boobs everywhere but her face. In the midst of the conversation, Jaime smoothly lies about being a Stanford professor, and her "husband" being an art critic in town for the Van Gogh retrospective. Poor Tom gets a deer in the headlights look (what he doesn't know about art could probably fill an encyclopedia). The guy in the smoking jacket suggests that as an art critic, maybe Tom will be able to help him ID a Picasso in the lobby. Tom's dubious about going along, but Jaime encourages him. The man leads them downstairs, and as she passes him, Jaime looks smack into his eyes. Nathan's software goes to work... and they've got their man. It's Victor. Which is convenient and not, because just then he's all, "See ya!" and locks them in a wine vault with a heavy door. Oops!

Jaime rolls her eyes as Tom makes not-very-manly runs against the door, trying to break it down. Again, things dissolve into a fight; they bitch at each other about their predicament, and she calls him an ass. Um, guys? Isn't the bad guy getting away right now? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, going after him or something? Finally, a frustrated Jaime helps kick down the door (Tom: "I loosened it!") and they go looking for Victor again, entering a secured part of the embassy. A security guard spots them, and Tom's all, "Play along!" He grabs Jaime and smooches her up against a wall, playing that he's just some horny attaché looking for a private place to mack on his ho. The guard speaks (actually decent for once) French, trying to get them to leave, until Jaime bops him over the head and knocks him unconscious. They hide the guy behind his desk, and then the randy twosome just can't overcome their hormones: they make out some more, apparently forgetting the fact that they're on a v.v. urgent mission to save the lives of at least 100 people.

Becca's quiet movie night has developed into a gimungous beer-soaked shindig, but all she can focus on is the fact that Brennan is all over the dumb blonde. Clearly tipsy, she decides that she's leaving, and stumbles outside into the car, nearly hitting someone as she backs up. Becca then drives over a curb and promptly gets her ass pulled over. License and registration, please! Becca: "Gulp."

Jaime and Tom find the room where Victor's deal is going down. Tom wants to go in alone, saying it's too dangerous for chicks. And after all this time, I heave a sigh of relief as Jaime finally finds her inner indignant feminist. Seriously, it's the year 2007, people. If this show is going to feature a strong woman, she has to be strong in every capacity, not just physically. I was really getting sick of Jaime's "Tee-hee I could never call a boy!" attitude. Jaime yelps that they both know the mission, and they're both going in. She settles it by breaking the door down and jumping right into the fray, taking on a sumo-esque thug. In her floor length gown. Yes!! An extensive fight scene ensues; Jaime and Tom vs. Various Baddies. Finally, Jaime takes on who appears to be Victor. Tom's distracted by Jaime being in danger, and one of the thugs gets the drop on him. But there's nothing Jaime can do, because just then her fight with Victor takes her straight out the window. She and the bad guy land in a shower of glass in some conveniently placed shrubbery, and are promptly hustled into a waiting Berkut van. But then Jaime gets a closer look at the guy, and he may be sporting that white jacket, but it's not Victor. It's a decoy, and he doesn't have the list! In a panicky fashion, Jaime wants to go back for Tom, but Ruth counters that there's no time. No time?? What? Isn't the whole mission to get that damned list? Um, I would think you'd take all the time you needed! Okay, deep breaths. On with the plot!

Back at the safe house, they've concluded that since Tom hasn't called, he's definitely in trouble. In fact, Victor is using him as a personal punching bag when his cell rings. Jaime's finally calling him! How forward of her! Victor comes on the line. He wants $8 mil for Tom and the list. Jaime has one hour to come to the Café Sartre with the money, or her fake husband will end up in 597413 pieces. Jaime's all, "Yeah I totally have access to that much moola!" She calls Jonas, and without prelude, asks, "Can you get me eight million dollars in 45 minutes?" And in an awesome, distracted voice, like she just asked him to pick up a carton of milk on the way home, Jonas says, "Okay." Hee!! As Jonas hangs up, we realize that he's at the police station, bailing underage drunken reckless driver Becca out. Jaime left Becca his number in case of an emergency. She's all, "Okay I'll just be on my way then," and Jonas retorts that he's responsible for getting her home. They're going to have a little chat on the way. Dun-dun-dunnnn!

Alexis hasn't been authorized by the CIA to continue the mission; Tom's been busted by the bad guys, so he's cut off. Jaime can't believe that they'd leave him all alone at the mercy of psycho nutbag Victor, and is determined to go after him herself. To their credit, the Berkut folks have her back. But it turns out that they're only in it for the list. Jaime fiddles with the ring as they ride to the café, and Ruth points out that if push comes to shove, Tom's last on the priority list. Jaime, for her part, looks like she's gonna do whatever the heck necessary to save her man-candy. Meanwhile, Becca chats with Jonas, who says that Jaime's just trying to earn a living to support her sister. Becca wishes her sister didn't have so many secrets, but Jonas assures her that she has her reasons.

Jaime heads into the café and finds Tom sitting at a table, all rumpled and, I must admit, pretty cute. Even now, in the middle of a tense standoff where the bad guy could be anywhere, they're flirting and apologizing to each other for their mutual bad behavior. Tom's pretty sure that no matter what they do, this is going to end badly. 'Cuz guess what? He has a bomb strapped to his guts. Nathan, watching the scene through Jaime's bionic eye, is all, "Crap!" He starts Googling bomb disarming techniques, and just then, up comes the waiter... and it's Victor! He presents them with a Specials menu, which cleverly turns out to be the list. Jaime pulls out the money. But instead of forking it over, she smacks Victor in the face with the bag! Cash flies and all hell breaks loose in the café. Jaime scrabbles at the bomb, Nathan jabbering in her ear and telling her to pull the black wire. She gives it a yank, much to Tom's terror. The bomb is disarmed. But they've got bigger problems, because Victor does what he does best and skedaddles. Dude, this guy can move. Jaime and Tom both run out of the restaurant in pursuit. Jaime, however, takes a bionic shortcut, eventually landing on Victor's shoulders and pulling some sweet Chyna Doll-style WWE moves to take him down. A shocked Tom shows up just a little bit too late and Jaime grins. Go feminism!

Later, they've recovered only half of the cash, and Jonas tells Jaime that they've forked Victor over to the CIA. Jaime asks Jonas if Becca called him, but Jonas nonchalantly says no. Aw! He's covering for her. That's sweet, even if it is probably not in Becca's best interests in the long run. Tom shows up and when Jaime won't tell him how she got to Victor first, he decides to flatter her by saying he wasn't at all afraid in the café. He was just too distracted by the smell of her hair. Oh, c'mon. There's a bomb strapped dangerously close to your man-bits and all you can think about is Pantene? Riiight. Jaime informs Tom that this time she won't be waiting around for his call. He immediately asks her out to dinner here in Paris, but Jaime needs to get home to her sister. "I'll call ya!" Tom hollers after her, doing that lame hand-phone motion.

Jaime arrives home and finds that Becca has prepared her a bath with candles and a warm towel. They share a sweet sisterly hug, and Becca says that she knows what Jaime's giving up for her. Jaime replies that she's right where she wants to be. She reluctantly takes off the wedding ring set and slips into the bathtub.

Found here.


The official webpage at NBC.com.

As far as webpages go, this one's quite terrible. It doesn't work correctly in any of the browsers I tried, it looks more like a MySpace page than anything else, and there are lots of dead links.

It does contain, however, quite a lot of interesting stuff. Crew and cast interviews (with David Eick here and with Michelle Ryan here), videos, pictures, recaps, etc.

I found also some pictures of CKR in his episode which I hadn't seen before, like this one -> -> ->

(I uploaded the rest of the NBC.com pictures here:
One, Two, Three, Four, Five)

There is a Wikipedia page for Bionic Woman.

Bionic Woman at Fanfiction.net (nothing about The List though.)

The List made also an appearance in iPhone Saviour for the aforementioned reason.

I found a YouTube fanvid about CKR in Bionic Woman, I hate the song, but it's really quite good. Embedding is disabled, so I can't... embed it, but you can see it here. Have a look!

And, last but definitely not least, scriggle put up some really pretty good screencaptures of the episode here.

That's all I could find. Let me know if there's anything I overlooked?


Bionic Woman is available through Amazon.com, Play.com and other retailers.

Final thoughts

Well. What can I say? I remember being quite excited when heard about it the first time. David Eick was known for Battlestar Galactica, Katee Sackhoff was involved, all it seemed to need to be really awesome was a role for Callum. Only... not. The first episode was pretty bad, and after that it only got worse. The writing was weak at best and terrible at worst. The acting from Michelle Ryan was... shaky, no doubt at least partly due to the scripts. Weirdly, even the CGI was one of the weak points of the series.
The List is a pretty typical episode. Slo-mo fights, too sweet family scenes with the annoying little sister, and Callum playing a bad guy. Still. Kevin Rankin as Nathan is pretty funny, and Miguel Ferrer is good as usual. And at least for some of us, the phone sex scene alone makes up for a lot. As does the cigar.
Tags: .genre: tv post, callum quotient: 20%, tv: bionic woman, year: 2007
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